Relationships & Chronic Illness

7th February 2009 | 10 years | 1 decade

10 years ago today, the man I was (& still am) crazy about, finally asked me 'out.'
I was so young, but even then, knew he was the one for me.

♡ Little sidenote: this day 4 years ago, our baby took his first steps. ♡

I dreamed about our future together; I dreamed about the children we'd have (trying to take comfort in the fact we at least have 1), I dreamed about the day we'd get married (still waiting) & I dreamed about so much more...

One thing that never crossed my mind, was that, about 4 years into our relationship, I'd become chronically ill.

We've been through our fair share of standard relationship issues, but none of it compares to the strain chronic illness puts on a relationship.

When I fell ill, not only were my dreams shattered, but Sean's were too.
The life we pictured having together, suddenly looked a lot different.

The guilt I felt was unreal.

A man in his twenties shouldn't have to help his partner get dressed; he shouldn't have to help her off the toilet on bad days; & he shouldn't have to lift a drink to her mouth. He also shouldn't have to brush & dry her hair; the list goes on.

It's strange for me, it must be strange for him too- I wouldn't know, because he never complains. He moans about housework & typical things men moan about, but never does he let on that the personal/awkward stuff bothers him.

When I first got ill, I was convinced he would leave.

After all, having a relationship with someone can be difficult, when being their carer takes priority.
The slightest argument & I was sure that would be the final straw & he'd be off.
My self esteem & self worth had taken a massive hit...

Why would he stay:

• when he could be with someone capable; someone who doesn't have baggage, in the form of a wheelchair which he has to push?
• when if he was with someone well enough to work, life wouldn't be such a struggle financially?
• when he could be with someone capable of doing all the typical housewife stuff?

I still don't really know the answer to the above questions.
But I know if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be going anywhere- I love him & there's no sacrifice I wouldn't make in order to be with him!
I try to take comfort in that... & the fact there's more to me than my illness.

I also bring my own good to the relationship...

E.g. He didn't even realise it was the 7th today... Whilst I used all my energy & then some, making him a present that I knew he'd love, as well as going online & ordering a cute personalised card.
He's "not good at the thoughtful stuff" (pfft excuses- he's thoughtful sometimes), where as that's certainly one of my strengths.

He will always have my time; attention; loyalty; honesty; respect; effort; & obviously my love & commitment- I'm no expert, but I'd say they're most important.
Having your sandwiches made for you shouldn't be a deal breaker!

I'll be forever grateful for his willingness to adapt, in order to continue loving me.

We've laughed our way through many situations that I'd have otherwise cried at. He whizzes me around in my wheelchair, like it's some kind of race car. He's there at every medical appointment... & we often laugh our way through those too.

The past 10 years has been a wonderful journey. Life isn't a fairy tale, but the good far outweighs the bad.

I've finally realised he's here to stay, & that he accepts me for me, collection of illness' & all.

I'm more in love with him than ever before.

I still miss him when we're not together, like in the early days; the most ridiculous things make me think of him; & he still makes me so soppy that I cringe at myself.

I have no choice but to live with the fact that my body continuously lets me down, Sean does have a choice... yet he remains by my side, accepting the bad in order to also have the good.

If you're currently struggling- maybe you're in the early days of your illness, or you're going through a particularly rough patch, just know that it can get easier. 

My health has taken so much away from me, but one thing I'm now certain it won't take away, is my relationship.
Believe me when I say, it didn't always feel like that. There's been times when I was convinced it would take that from me. One of my biggest fears.

Lucy x